HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Michael Myers never says a word for the entire movie of “Halloween.” In fact, according to his doctor, he never said a word for the 15 years leading up to the events that take place during “Halloween.” But he did have a Twitter account…
From the Twitter account of EvilMichaelMyers:
OMG, my sister’s making out with some guy. I’m watching from outside the window. I’m totally gonna spy on her.
9:32 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie
Nope, changed my mind, I’m gonna kill her instead.
9:33 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie
Oh sh*t, my parents just caught me in my clown costume with the bloody knife, I am totally effing grounded.
9:36 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie
Whoa! What up, Tweeps! Sorry I’ve been off Twitter for 14 years, 364 days. They didn’t have WiFi at the mental institution.
10:02 PM Oct 30, 1978 from TwitterBerry
I can’t believe I know how to drive so well, being that I’ve been locked up since I was 6. Weird. #hiddentalents
10:03 PM Oct 30, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Just killed a mechanic right quick to get his uniform. Man, Doc’s gonna flip his sh*t when he sees this tomorrow!
2:10 AM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
I’m goin’, goin’, back to back to Haddonfield. #rejectedraptitles
3:17 AM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Some girl just put a key on our porch. She looks good. Hard to tell she was born with a penis.
8:13 AM Oct 31, 1978 from Tweet Deck
Ya know, come to think of it, I’m just going to arbitrarily choose her as the girl I’m gonna stalk for the rest of #Halloween.
2:15 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Ahh! Tons of errands. Gotta swipe my sister’s tombstone, rob the hardware store AND be no more than 40 feet from this girl.
3:10 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
NGL, kinda feel like I look like Captain Kirk in this mask.
5:38 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Gonna stalk that girl’s friend first and– oh man, she just got naked! This is getting hot! (Oh, and I also just killed a dog.)
8:50 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Killed her in the car. She was about to drive to sex. No one has sex on my watch. I hope that’s not too cliche… :S
9:41 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
#thingsthatpissmeoff When people come up to me and say “Groovy, baby!” or “Party time excellent!”
10:33 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
These two teenagers just had sex. Well, based on the aforementioned policy, I guess it’s time to kill ‘em!
10:33 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Oh, and if anyone’s reading this, please do me a favor and don’t call the police or anything — it would really mess up my plans. Kthxbye!
10:34 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Finally the main girl is coming over. It’s taken me like forever to arrange all the corpses in such a way that they’ll be revealed 1-by-1.
11:03 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Note to self: I’d be so much more efficient if I would run and not walk.
12:14 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Ouch! She just stabbed me in the neck with a needle. It’s gonna take me at least 2 or 3 minutes to shake that off.
1:14 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Damn! She just stabbed me with a coat hanger. AND my own knife. It’s gonna take me at least 1 or 2 minutes to shake that off.
1:17 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
WTF!? Doc just shot me in the chest six times and I fell off a two-story balcony. It’s gonna take me at least 20 or 30 seconds to shake that off.
1:19 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Well, that didn’t go quite so well. But I have a feeling I’ll be back. At least nine more times.
1:20 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
